Finding common ground
05/23/2010

I was not at my post on the corner of State and Anapamu streets last Friday noon.  Micheal and I are on our property in Washington—marveling at the beauty all around.

Friday, May 14, was my last peace vigil for a month.  I was a little anxious about getting out on the corner that day, knowing full well that I haven’t been embodying the change I wish to see in the world.  But I had reinforcements: Paul Chappell, the Iraq vet turned peace activist who’s written two books, Will War Ever End and The End of War had promised to join me. 

He showed up just in the nick of time.  I was losing patience with a Tea Bagger who had stopped to engage in the Socratic method of instruction, continuously posing questions for me to answer.  If my answers weren’t taking us where he wanted to go, he’d start again from a different angle.  I finally said in exasperation, “What is your point?”

Then Paul came up, took possession of one of my peace signs, and began to listen to the man in earnest.  They talked for 45 minutes, during which the man allowed that he’d been beaten with a belt as a child and, though he now felt as if that punishment was, he still believed that people must be put forcibly in place  when they don’t conform to society’s expectations.  He also believed that the United States is entitled to set and enforce the expectations for the rest of the world, using violence if necessary.  Why?  Because we’re the best.

Paul listened respectfully, then calmly noted the distinction between a belt, a Tazer (our friend’s suggestion for dealing with disorderly homeless people) and a 500-pound bomb.  Our friend--rather sheepishly--agreed. 

Paul then asked him how he might feel if the Chinese occupied the United States—if armed Chinese in uniform patrolled our neighborhoods.  Our friend looked around as if envisioning this scenario and admitted that he would not like it.  Before the conversation ended, the man actually thanked Paul for listening to him and acknowledged that perhaps war and violence were not the best means of making our point; that perhaps education would work better...or should at least be tried first.

I was humbled by Paul’s ability to listen compassionately to this man.  Both the man and I could see that Paul really was listening.  He was curious; interested in what the man thought.  When we’d finished our vigil I asked him how he managed to listen with such interest.

“I know a lot of people like him back home in Alabama,” he said.

“Well, that could easily make you less patient,” I pointed out. 

“I knew that eventually he would say something that we agree on.  I was waiting for him to tell me what it was.”

Wow.  What a great lesson—not just about having faith that one can find common ground with anyone, but also about realizing that taking the time to find that common ground with someone who disagrees with you is the essential core of peace activism.  It’s hardly effective to communicate only with those who already agree with you.  Winning hearts and minds takes work—work that Paul showed me I’d been unwilling to do because it requires standing in the pain of conflict. 

Later, reading Paul’s book, The End of War, I came upon this quote from Bernard Lafayette, a civil-rights activist who helped to desegregate Nashville, Tennessee:

Nonviolence means fighting back, but you are fighting back with another purpose and other weapons.  Number one, your fight is to win that person over—and that is a fight, a struggle.

Your fight is to win that person over.  One person.  Each victory being important—just as each starfish thrown back into the ocean is important—to that starfish.  That’s a truly deep and profound commitment—a commitment to love.

I’ve been of the mind that we don’t have to win over everyone—we just have to win over a critical mass of people.  I still think that’s true, but I am nevertheless moved by Paul’s willingness to win over even the hard core opposition.  He’s not focusing solely on the “low-hanging fruit,” the people who are basically sympathetic, or undecided, but who have become resigned to the status quo.  He’s willing to stand in peaceful engagement with even a man who fiercely disagrees with him—and find their common ground.