The second time around
03/08/2010

So I've completed the first week of my second "Twenty-Seven Days of Transformative Change" practice period and here's what I've learned:  it's harder the second time around. 

That's counter-intuitive, right?  Things should be easier.  I should be able to drop right back in to the deeper level of awareness, serenity, and gratitude I experienced towards the end of my first 27 days of practice last December.  I expected to feel immediately enriched and empowered by my intentions for this practice period, just as I was last time.   But I was wrong.  I under-estimated the ego.

Instead of entering my practice period with "beginner's mind"--a mind open to possibilities, not knowing what to expect--I've got "been there, done that" mind--a mind that now acts like an additional filter I have to get through, or beneath, to experience the moment.  To be present.  How annoying.  Oops!  Another layer between me and what is.

The first week also reminded me why the formal practice period is difficult.  You're taking your normal chock full work week and adding an additional hour of daily meditation (I didn't have to; I chose it), two additional hours/week with the sangha (spiritual commmunity); and the intention to pay attention--to be mindful, to be present; the opposite of multi-tasking.  In other words, I've simultaneously reduced the amount of time I have to "get stuff done" and reduced the speed at which I can do it.  One thing at a time.  Moving at the speed of appreciation.  AAAGGHHH!!!

But this is what I wanted, right?  To wake up.  To be HERE now.  To not reach the moment of my death and realize I rushed through my entire life.  If I can't do it now, in a month of supported practice, when WILL I do it?

To be continued.